“Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not.” – Prov. 8:33

What I’ll be sharing in this edition on “Marriage” are common crisis most people in courtship encounter at one stage or the other in their relationship. The purpose of writing on it is to inform those that are new in courtship, admonish and encourage those that are passing through it now and to prepare those that will soon be coming to this fold.

Courtship is not marriage but it is expected to lead to it. Just like no marriage is void of crisis, rarely will you see a courtship which is void of crisis. Salvation does not nullify trials and challenges coming your way neither does it take the approval of your courtship forces satanic interference. We only have victory through Jesus Christ.

“When thou passeth through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shall not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.” – Is. 43:2

INSINCERITY AND UNFAITHFULNESS

This is the commonest crisis experienced during courtship especially among believers yoked with unbelievers and those who refused to grow spiritually. Though it is not supposed to occur, but when the foundation of the relationship is crooked it becomes inevitable. If you are not sincere during courtship you will not during marriage. Insincerity during courtship is an indication that you should reaffirm the approval of your relationship with the Holy Spirit. The commonest form of insincerity is when any of the party is involved in another relationship. Remember, “it is the two that shall become one” not three or four.

Other forms of insincerity include undisclosed movements, undisclosed vital projects and ambitions, etc. You need to be careful and prayerful when insincerity is observed in your relationship, especially if it is persistent.

PAST HIDDEN FAULTS

Past mistakes before salvation or before the courtship is another reason for misunderstanding during courtship, especially if it is not revealed on time or if the other party got to know through a third party. My counsel is this: we all have a past life, but we must not allow our past to tarnish our future, be humble enough to share all your past faults with your partner before it is too late. Also, you must not allow the faults revealed to you to generate doubts inside you if God has spoken to you. Every sinner has a future and every saint has a past.

DIFFERENCES IN ATTITUDE AND TEMPERAMENT

“A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” – Prov. 18:24

Do not expect your partner to be an angel, flawless without any attitudinal defect. As your relationship grows, some of the hidden negative traits will start manifesting. This always tends to weaken the relationship because they are always the least expected from any of the partners during courtship. The commonest of all is high temperament; others are poor human relationship, eating habits, etc. If you are deeply convinced about the relationship then you should believe God for grace to work on you and your partner. You are supposed to be better half for each other. Don’t ever try to get an overnight result, because the vice did not get there overnight. Your prayer and deep understanding of the abilities of God will go a long way to keep your relationship.

SPIRITUAL CAPACITY

Another common crisis during courtship is the difference in spiritual responsibility and capability. While you must not go into courtship with an unbeliever or with a believer who is not committed, you must not expect your partner to pray like you do or fast three days a week like you do. Spiritual compatibility is very important, but should not be taken to the extreme. Disagreement could emerge if there is no understanding on this issue. That God approves your relationship does not mean both of you will always see things from the same perspective spiritually. Your strength still is your deep conviction and belief in the relationship.

SOCIETAL TASTE

Difference in societal taste is a key reason for trials during courtship, especially when the wedding preparation begins. While one may prefer a silently done theme or want a noisy, it always takes mutual understanding to reach a compromise. Other societal differences include attending outings and programmes etc. Good communication will go a long way to help you in this area and a deep understanding of God’s word on this issue will keep you spiritually.

FAMILY BACKGROUND AND PARENTAL ATTACHMENT

Since your family backgrounds are different, your response to your family and related matters will also be different. You must not expect your partner to deny his or her parents at this stage of the relationship in order to satisfy you. You are not married yet and your parents are yet to release you for each other. That he or she is attached to the parents could lead to crisis but could also be handled prayerfully with God’s word, good communication and understanding.

In conclusion, there is no relationship that is void of crisis because your partner is not an angel or a dummy. Your stand on God’s word is very paramount during and after courtship, your inner conviction on the relationship is also a strong background needed to keep the relationship on. However, some of these trials could be indications that the relationship should not continue especially if your coming together is questionable from the beginning. The journey to marriage is a journey of faith, only the “prayerful” will enjoy it.